We’ve often heard terms to describe an ideal situation for working adults that captures how men and women manage demanding work and family schedules, such as “work-life balance” or more recently “work-life integration”. Apparently, there exists an “optimal” level in which work responsibilities are challenging yet not overwhelming, and allows for some “balance” of family time and enjoyment, while minimizing stress in both arenas. (“Balance” suggests an appropriate dose of both in which personal life and work are separate and juggled simultaneously; “Integration” suggests the inclusion or accommodation of personal life into the work domain such as with telecommuting). I appreciate that so many people have studied these ideas, provided solutions such as alternative work arrangements, and have sought to integrate the priorities of family life while allowing for satisfying careers simultaneously. However, what these models suggest is that this balance, and even integration, can be achieved by everyone day in and day out—a highly unrealistic standard. This standard seems to have the ability to disappoint even the healthiest individuals. Consequently I have shifted my own thinking about this issue and how it relates to my own company and the expectations we hold for life, work and the balance between them.
As the president of Cobblestone, I think about these issues for myself and my employees. Given that we are in the business of evaluating, we make judgments about the merit or worth of programs for our clients, so I naturally think about evaluating our own internal processes and policies as well. This is, of course, a natural extension of my professional training, but it also seems to make a lot of practical sense.
From an evaluation of my employees I know a few things—they are really top-notch: well-trained, responsible, professional, and show a strong commitment to both our clients and our company. They are, like all other employees, men and women with personal lives. They have spouses, children, parents, siblings, friends, and other relationships and obligations outside of their work responsibilities. They have spiritual lives, opinions about political issues, senses of humor, and charitable causes that they care about. This is true of me as well. As satisfying and rewarding as work can be, it cannot be the only dimension of my life that gets attention and time–yet it is not separate from life. I have no desire to spend all my waking hours with family and friends or enjoying leisure activities. I enjoy work; it is a highly stimulating and satisfying way to spend time! Work is, in fact, not separate from my life any more than my family is. Work is an integral part of my life just like eating lunch or laughing at a joke. So, herein is my prescription for life beyond balance, beyond integration…
- As a leader of a company: walk the walk. This means simply that if you value employees that are healthy physically, emotionally, and spiritually—you have to be willing to support that, even if it costs you in the short term. Allowing employees to work from home some days when a spouse is sick, or take extra time off to work on a graduate school project is a difficult sacrifice to make and has real consequences for everyone in a small company. However, sacrifices are often necessary to show employees how much they are valued, and they often reciprocate this appreciation. This also means sneaking out on a Wednesday morning for Pilates class for me.
- Life will never be balanced on any given day, week or month—but, it will be balanced in the long run. I think many people have unrealistic expectations that they feel as if they always need to be in “balance”. For me, this is about as unrealistic as spouses expecting to divide every chore, paycheck or leisure time exactly by 50%–this doesn’t happen in most marriages on any given day. So the same is true for a balance with a personal and professional life. Some days, even some months, work hours are long and difficult. Some times during the year, we travel more and spend less time with family. While other times, we may go home early or take extra days off when there isn’t as much to do. Managing expectations about always having to feel in “balance” decreases the disappointment when times are less balanced—which is just about all the time.
Part of my need to define how I see work and personal life is that my employees often express appreciation for the flexibility that I offer. They work hard and I expect a lot from them. My hope is that they feel valued and appreciated as an integral part of our company’s success. However, we do have to remind ourselves during difficult times that it won’t always be like this. Things do settle down eventually, there are good times and there are bad times. We also have to remember to set realistic expectations about feeling “balanced” each and every day. I’m sure as time goes on we will think of new and better ways to achieve “balance” and “integration”, but for now I think I’ll take some time this afternoon to go for a walk with my dog Cora.
–Rebecca Eddy
My dog, Cora, at the office.
